


These Scars of Ours (need time to heal)

by azile765



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers Endgame fix-it, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Other, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23867260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azile765/pseuds/azile765
Summary: We were once strangers. Little children from different ends of the universe, abducted from our families, our planets, the places we once called home. We were kept in fear, in pain, in longing. And when the time came, we fled, collided, fought through the deception and misconception of our lives. Yet our minds were still a bit like an abstract painting, unclear, unorganized, and it was what let the horrors of our past elude us, our grip on reality, on family and peace, slipping. When the dust settled and the skies cleared, there were so many losses, so many new scars. Our only hope now, is to find those we lost... but do we want to take on the burden of potentially false hope?
Relationships: Gamora & Peter Quill, Gamora/Nebula (Marvel), Gamora/Peter Quill, Kraglin Obfonteri & Peter Quill
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the record: mentions of death and turbulent emotions, as well as strong language. And a lot of regret and self-blame (sorry...)
> 
> I’m new to this so please do leave constructive criticism.
> 
> None of these characters are mine, all rights reserved to Marvel. (Unless I decide to do OCs)
> 
> Thank you and enjoy!💚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is just post Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, the next chapter will be post Endgame.

Even long after the fireworks had ceased and the remnants of Yondu's ashes dispersed from its arrow-like form, two figures remained standing by the window, hugging each other close to their sides. The grip of the woman's hand on her male companion's waist was especially tight, like she was afraid that he would disappear any second.  
  
Suddenly, the man sways on his feet, nearly bringing the woman down with him. Fortunately, her emerald arms caught them before they hit the ground.  
  
"I know what you're gonna say, Gamora... but I can't. You know I can't."  
  
Gamora turns to face him, opting to stay silent. She tugs gently on Peter's arm instead, urging him to follow her.  
  
"No. Please... you _know_ I can't. Not now. Not since..." His voice catches on the last word, making him scowl and clear his throat rather vigorously.  
  
"We're not," comes Gamora's soft voice. "Trust me?"  
  
Peter nods wordlessly. Of course he'd trust her. He'd trust her with his life.   
  
The pair make their way across the _Quadrant_ , reaching the junction where the control room was centered. Gamora led him down the corridor where the bedrooms were. His breath hitches when they pass the Captain's quarters, noticing how the ex-assassin walked closer to the opposite wall, like she knew he wanted to be as far away from that room as possible. His heart swells with gratitude for her.  
  
Reaching her temporary bedroom, Gamora lets the system scan her bio-metrics, and pushes the door open gently. The room smells musty, and the bed so large it could probably fit all the Guardians in it. She turns around to lock the door.  
  
"I won't be able to sleep after all that happened today, you know. Well, technically yesterday. You know what I mean."  
  
He's greeted with a soft smile, one he last saw before all this mess happened. Was it really only 3 days ago he woke to find the Sovereign's call for help with guarding the Anulax batteries? (They _were_ called Anulax batteries, no matter what Drax said. After all, he jumped inside the Abilisk in an idiotic [but courageous] attempt to kill it.)  
  
"You look better already." But before Peter could reply, she slips the Zune out of the pocket of his leather jacket, clicking onto a brand new song and places one earbud in his ear. "Dance with me."  
  
Peter just gapes at her.  
  
A green hand reaches out to gently close it. "We were interrupted last time, I believe?"  
  
He keeps staring at her in awe, but places his hand on her waist and the other in her hand anyways.  
  
_You went to school to learn, girl  
Things you never, never knew before  
I before E except after C  
And why two plus two makes four  
Now, now, now I'm gonna teach you  
Teach you, teach you  
All about love, dear, all about love_  
  
Her eyes shift away from his when she hears the lyrics. She probably should have let him choose the song instead.  
  
This song was fast, upbeat, and basically contradicted the mood in the room- hell, in this whole ship - right now.   
  
"Hey." Peter's soothing voice broke her out of her reverie. "I'm sorry. About the TV ratings, and yelling at you, and I regretted it the moment I said them. I'm sorry I made you leave, and-"  
  
Gamora chuckles softly, a startling sound after all the blood and death in the past days. "You were right. I was jealous. But it was more because you had a family to return to." She shifts uncomfortably. "It sounds childish, now that I say it aloud."   
  
"Of course not. Anyone who's lost their family would feel the same." In a daring move, he kisses the top of her head. It's not so much kissing than brushing his lips across her hair, but if the past 24 hours have taught him anything, it's that life is short. Opportunities are a rarity to have.   
  
What surprises him, however, is the barely stifled gasp that escapes Gamora when he does that.   
  
Gamora _never_ shows her emotions. She has the best poker face of anyone he knows. Well, maybe except Nebula.  
  
" _Shit_ , sorry, Gamora, I shouldn't have- "  
  
She's shaking very slightly now, one hand fisted in his shirt. They have long since stopped dancing, but that was the last thing on Peter's mind right now.  
  
He's completely frozen, unsure of what to do. Of all the things that being with the Guardians has taught him for the past few months, reassurance was not one of them – after all, none of them liked to be vulnerable, and rarely showed it. The Ravagers definitely didn't _do_ vulnerability – most of the time it would end up in a beating of sorts, catcalling, and such.  
  
Peter pauses the music, sets the Zune down on the tabletop, and that's when Gamora finally looks up.  
  
"Are you okay?" It's more a rhetorical question than anything, but she nods anyways.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Really." It wasn't a question.  
  
The green-skinned Guardian shuts her eyes again, regretting her answer. This was _Peter_ , her best friend. If she couldn't trust him enough to tell her how she felt, who could she trust?  
  
Which was ironic, considering how she just admitted to the unspoken thing 30 minutes ago.  
  
_If you trust him, Thanos will kill him without question. Or maybe torture him first._  
  
She ignores that traitorous voice in her head.  
  
"You're okay – well, we're far from okay, but you're alive. Which makes me alright, Peter," she says softly, meeting his eyes.  
  
_What – oh._  
  
He had been so busy fighting Ego, then struggling to get the spacesuit off himself and grieving for Yondu, he forgot that the rest of the Guardians were probably worried sick. There must have been, what, an hour time span which they were searching through empty space for them.

 _They must have had little hope left._  
  
He pulls her closer, takes her hand and places it over his heart. Gamora looks up at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "I tried to go after you." The words were spoken barely above a whisper, floating in the air. "When you didn't come back with Rocket and Groot, I tried to leave the ship with a rifle. Rocket tasered me, and then when I woke up an hour later, you weren't there. I thought... I thought..." She takes a deep breath, hating how her voice catches at the end.  
  
"I'm here now, though. Aren't I?" He presses another kiss to her hairline in reassurance. "It's okay."  
  
She laughs, a hollow sound. "You're the one who lost someone today, and yet here you are, reassuring me. You've... what is it? Turned the furniture?"  
  
"Tables Gamora, tables. I've turned the tables. But you need it all the same."  
  
At this, she finally meets his eyes again. "Thank you."  
  
Peter smiles, sweet and kind of goofy and so _Peter_ she can't help it, knows that the doubts are still there but she doesn't care, and summons all her courage just to press her lips to his.  
  
She's never kissed anyone before. Sure, she's had her fair share of men that she needed to seduce because they were idiots and didn't feel threatened by her, but she never kissed them.  
  
Peter, for the second time that night, gapes at her in awe. "Gamora... are you sure? I mean, don't get me wrong, I want this, I've wanted this since I met you, but are you-"  
  
She kisses him again. It's intoxicating, really, more than was probably healthy, but she really couldn't bring herself to care. "You talk too much sometimes," she murmurs.  
  
Gun-calloused fingers tangle in black and magenta tresses as he finally, _finally_ , kisses her back, and it's... it's...  
  
Well.  
  
When Peter was younger, before the Ravagers, he and his mom watched all sorts of movies, but most of them were romantic. When they got to the kissing scenes, he would always bury his head into the cushions and waited until the sweet music ended. He always thought the music was there for auditory cues to let the audience know it was over.  
  
Clearly that wasn't the case.  
  
Those movies were actually describing what was going on in the characters' heads in that moment, because they were lucky enough to kissing the right person. It was like all of the galaxy's wonders made into a song, and even _that_ was an understatement.  
  
In short – it was mind-blowingly crazy and sweet and – he should stop.  
  
Gamora was a fast learner. And even though Peter had said he wasn't going to be able to sleep that night, he ate his own words and fell asleep in the big bed, lying on the heavy furs, right next to Gamora.  
  
They would wake in the middle of the night, because the demon known as nightmares had the whole ship in its clutches, and the Guardians would all pile onto the couch, and talk until they fell asleep again in each other's company. Rocket's voice would tease them about falling asleep hugging each other, but would lack its usual malice, and would wake them up.  
  
But for now... for now he would enjoy this tiny bubble of peace he had created with Gamora, and fall asleep with his nose buried into her hair, their arms and legs entangled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this part on there WILL BE SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME CONSIDERED YOURSELVES WARNED although if you clicked this I highly doubt that you haven't watched it yet but still.

He had thought that the aftermath of any battle couldn't get any worse. I mean, he had found out that his father was a class-A asshat who killed his mother, the most wonderful woman in the universe, because of the "Expansion". His _real_ father, Yondu, then sacrificed his life in exchange for Peter's.

Couldn't get any worse than that, right?

Apparently, it could.

Since, well, he and most of the Guardians were dead for _five Terran years_ and Rocket and Nebula were the only ones left alive.

They're all back now, but at what cost?

Correction: they're _not_ all back, because 2014 Gamora was running around in this timeline _somewhere_ , while the Gamora from their timeline is still stuck in the Soul Stone and there's _just got to be some way to get her out because she managed to get in didn't she so there must be an exit obviously and clearly it's possible no matter what the others say and-_

The pinging of the searching machine draws Peter back to reality, the smell of musty Asguardian beer hanging thick in the air. _Ugh, Thor,_ he thinks, as he stares at the bright red "Pinpointing Location" on the top of the holo.

He has to hand it to Gamora though, when it came to avoiding scanners like these. The one on their ship was upgraded by Rocket, Nebula, Stark and the genius princess -- Shuri? -- but despite having been at it for 12 cycles now, it's only managed to roughly pinpoint her location to a few star systems, only to reload when Gamora travelled away.

Soft footsteps pad the hallway outside. After being with the Guardians for four years -- at least, being alive with them -- he's able to recognize the footsteps as his sister's even before she comes into the room.

"He's been in there for half a cycle now," comes Rocket's voice, low and gruff and _five years older than it was supposed to be_ but Peter tries to ignore that. They all do.

Or maybe he and Mantis and Drax and Groot are the ones who are five years younger than they should be. He doesn't really know anymore.

When Mantis finally enters the room, she doesn't say anything, just sits down next to Peter and stares at the photo of the missing Guardian. She doesn't try to take his grief away again, after he turned her down so many times ever since they won the battle.

It's painful, the grief, and Mantis hasn't felt anything like it in 4 years, not since she and Drax _really_ opened up to each other for the first time on Ego's planet.

They stare at the screen for a while, then Groot and Drax join them, sitting around in a half circle, staring at the screen. Nebula's always been in the room, but she and Rocket sit with them too despite already having 5 years to grieve. Thor's upstairs on night watch, letting their little dysfunctional family have their moment of silence.

Nobody sleeps that night.

***

_"Tell me she's lying. Asshole! Tell me you didn't do it."_

_"I... had... to." Came the reply. Weak, pathetic, sick._

_The messy landscape that was Titan was overcome by a bright cosmetic light._ Ego.

_"It broke my heart to put that tumor in her head."_

_Then he dissolves into ashes the way Mantis and Drax had, not unlike his original death, only there's no one to hold him this time._

_The ashes swirl and form his mother and Yondu._

_"Why didn't you take my hand, Peter?"_

_"Damn it, boy, I didn't die only for ya to lash out and die in the end anyways!"_

_They dissolve into bubbles, taken by a soft, ethereal orange glow.  
_

"Peter?"

_"Gamora?"_

_At the edge of his vision is her beautiful shadow, her magenta curls and emerald skin glowing._

"Pete, wake up, you're sleeping on the floor. Pete."

_She approaches him, her warm embrace so familiar, and yet..._

_"I miss you so much..." he mumbles.  
_

"Pete, man, wake up."

_"Why did you lash out?" She suddenly draws back, a frown creasing those beautiful silver brows. Everything about her is beautiful._

_"Everything could have worked out. Why?"_

_Suddenly the floor gives out, and she's falling, falling, reaching out, and he's falling with her, and-_

He gasps, and bolts upright. He's sitting on the floor in the mess hall, hair ruffled.

"Pete? Ya alright?"

"Kraglin?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Kraglin?"

"Pete, ya alright?"

Wasn't he just reuniting with Gamora? Even though she had just confirmed his greatest regrets... but still.

Oh. Was that a nightmare? But her hands... the dust, the ghost of his parents (Yondu and his Mother, Ego was definitely not his dad), the slightest wind on Titan... it all felt so real.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Krags. Good to see ya," he says, hugging him, relishing in the familiar contact briefly before drawing away.

They had docked on the Quadrant that day, and when everyone retired back to their rooms, Peter had stayed in the mess hall, fiddling absentmindedly with the Zune, refusing to go back to the Captain's quarters. There were too many memories, but he couldn't help but think back to when Gamora eventually managed to convince Peter to stay in the Captain's quarters to honor Yondu after the battle with Ego anyways.

The numerous sleepless nights had eventually caught up to him, and fell out of the chair, asleep.

Not that his dreams were any more peaceful than the chaos of his life.

"Kept all ya rooms the same... didn't feel right ter meddle. S'ready to use."

"Thanks, man. Appreciate it."

Kraglin just shrugs. "Ship felt wrong with most of ya crew gone. We missed ya, yanno?"

Peter embraces his brother again. "So did I, Krags. So did I"

It goes to show just how much emotion was in the room by Kraglin admitting he missed his brother. Ravagers didn't do sentimentality, after all.

***

Two jumps later, they arrive at Xandar, bleached of its color, with half of the planet gray and purplish even after five years. 

The Nova Corps are crippled, decimated. The resurrected Guardians embrace with Rhomann Dey and Nova Prime, one of the few who survived the decimation of Xandar. Tears are shed and people are introduced.

They stay there for a month or two, helping the once-great capital of the great Xandarian empire recover from its losses... but nothing would ever be the same again.

The Guardians work so hard, using it as a distraction from their own losses, but more than once they saw themselves reflected in the Xandarians. They do their best to push their problems to the back of their minds.

They had almost developed their new normal... until a hooded figure slammed Peter into the wall while he was on guard duty one night, choking him.

***

For once, Nebula had decided to retire to her room instead of going on guard duty, unlike the other nights for the past two months.

She sighed, snapping open her cybernetics case, created by Tony Stark when he saw how she was suffering from them. Reaching in, she tugs out the wires, unlocking the outer metal case of her arm to connect it to the case.

From her room, she could see the various settlements, hastily set up over the once lush-green gardens. In the distance stood the former Nova Corps headquarters, its unique structure now deformed, the metal mangled and sticking out in awkward places. The soft rush of Quill’s rocket boots whooshed past her window, the red eyes on his mask glowing as he scanned the perimeter, rounding around the building and disappearing from sight.

They have been here for a little over two months now, occasionally darting over to other planets in need when necessary. But she thinks she would never get used to being a hero, not after being a feared assassin for the majority of her life.

She remembers back when everything was so new, and painful. Remembers how she watched as her sister’s makeshift family dissolved right before her eyes – Mantis, Drax, Quill. All the ones who _might_ remotely have any idea how she was feeling snapped away, scattered across the plains of Titan.

She had been so angry. Stormed over to the _Benatar_ and flew it away, forgetting about the other terrans on the planet, and she was almost breaking through the atmosphere until Stark broke into the ship. He was the one who had talked her out of flying to Planet 0259-S and taking revenge for her sister and herself.

The case steadily beeps away as Nebula gets lost in her thoughts. She never used to do that, being constantly on guard from potential attackers, or being devoted to a mission. Even when she's alone, she refuses to think too much. It reminded her of how much she's lost, broke her hard shell, made her vulnerable.

She's so distracted, she doesn't realize that Quill ought to have passed by her window again by now. Instead, it's the comm link that gets her attention, the blinking yellow light flashing at her.

***

_Quill: SOSsefwspwefjpweijtfail;srfij-_

"What the flarg," mutters Rocket as he tugged at another loose wire in his newest creation. "Did he sit on his comm link again?" Turning his back on the tiny grey communicator, he rifles through his tool box, pulling out a large assortment of bolts, screws, broken circuitry, lasers. Nearby, the beeping of Groot's video game tap steadily away, although it was much slower than it used to be. He wasn't as concentrated on his game as he was 5 years ago. Dying can do that to you.

They continue to mind their own business until another message comes through.

_Quill: I apologize. That was an accident._

Rocket huffs. "Don't take no genius to figure that out, Quill." He tosses the long red scarf over his shoulder, chucking the communicator aside. The scarf had belonged to Quill, until he was dusted and Rocket and Nebula were the only ones left and grieving. Now, Rocket had grown so accustomed to wearing it he didn't bother to give it back to Quill. Peter didn't ask for it either.

The gaming console makes a _pew pew pew_ sound as the pixel aliens overwhelmed the astronauts.

"I am Groot." _Rocket, is this message from Peter?_

"What? Can't ya read fer yerself, it's right in front of ya."

" _I_ am Groot." _If it_ really _were from Peter, then why is the message phrased so formally?_

The communicator is snatched off the ground as narrowed copper eyes scan the messages sent by his teammate-turned-family.

"Flargin' hell."


	4. Chapter 4

She only came here for a job. On the flashiest planet in the galaxy, because it was the last place where anyone looking for her would try to, well, look for her. 

But the moment she lands, she’s dragged along the halls in all its golden glory. She fights through, saying that they were accusing her of things she never did. Stealing anulax batteries? She hasn’t even _heard_ of those! 

Her complaints fall on deaf ears and she’s tossed into a room, experiencing an entirely new level of pain – which she never thought possible, not after what _he_ did to her. Her soul was literally ripped from her body, memories of her life flashing before her as they rifled through them, piercing her body with sharp needles. 

Then there’s another type of pain, searing, almost as if someone was trying to melt something inside her to merge with something else. Then, blackness. 

_***_

_The giant donut shaped ship crashes into the half-broken structures and onto the ground. The door has shattered on impact, and Drax kicks it away._

_A fight ensues between them and those on the ship. One of them had pale_ _Xandarian_ _skin, the other two were masked._

_Of course, they win._

_(Not really. It’s more a tie than anything, but he won’t admit that.)_

_They realize the "enemies" are potential allies, and team up. Cue the exchange of insults._

_The first Terrans he's seen in 3 whole decades, and they give quite the horrible first impression. Terrans sure haven't improved while he was gone._

_Then_ _Thanos_ _arrives and they’re about to be overwhelmed, and Peter thinks that this is_ it _for them, when suddenly-_

_A ship crashes right on top of him, and skids for a while before coming to a stop._

_He hopes that the Mad Titan is now smeared across the barren lands of his_ _home world_ _, but of course they are not as lucky. They_ do _manage to pin him down and get the gauntlet off, however._

_Almost._

_He_ _did_ _promise to beat the whereabouts of Gamora out of_ _Thanos_ _, after all._

_He’s lost his mom, his surrogate father, his biological father (even though he and the Guardians were the one who killed him), and the entire Ravager faction he grew up with. He isn’t_ _gonna_ _lose anyone else. He isn’t._

 _Except that Gamora is dead now, the center of his universe, the one who helped him through all his previous losses, the light of his life, and-_

_He realizes with a sick feeling that both_ _Thanos_ _and himself tried to kill Gamora for vastly different reason, and the fact that he himself almost succeeded breaks him._

 _He takes it out on Thanos._

*** 

_They lose._

_Out of 14, 000, 701 possible futures, they lose._

_The doctor says something about it being the only way._ They were doomed from the start, _s_ _omething inside of him whispers._

_That doesn’t lighten his guilt, his regret._

_Someone’s talking in the background. He doesn’t hear it._

_He’s completely detached from reality when Mantis suddenly vanishes. The only thing left of her were ashes._

_Drax went next._

_He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t react. Everyone he’s ever loved is either gone or thousands of clicks away. He doesn’t think he even wants to know what happened to Rocket and Groot in fear that the response would be that they were dispersed, ashes scattered in the wind._

_So_ _he gives up. When the wind takes him too, he gives up._

_He’s got nothing left to live for._

_But a few feet from the spot where he once stood, is a shadow of a girl curled up on the ground, looking on in sadness and despair._

_No one sees her._

*** 

A staggering amount of sparkling gold flashes before his eyes as he slowly blinks them open. He can’t move at all, his hands and legs and torso constrained by _something_ peculiar. It ripples like water, twists around and around him like a snake, never stopping, and presses against his ribs and stings. The room’s only light source were these binds, glowing a bright gold and reminding him of something... 

But he doesn’t remember. 

It really didn’t matter though, because despite being tied and suspended in midair, Peter feels _comfortable_ , strangely enough. 

He doesn’t know how long exactly he was there for, until a golden man with blonde hair just materializes a few feet in front of him, levitated and holding up a tied up... being? Package? The strings of light wrapped around it so many times he couldn’t really see what it was. 

The man disappears. Something about the way the man held himself, the way he looked, the way he disappeared... it nagged at his brain, but before he could give it much thought, the thing wrapped over and over in golden vines, _twitched_. 

_So_ _it_ was _alive,_ thought Peter. 

“Hey!” he yells, trying to scare it or reassure it, he didn’t know. He just felt compelled to say something. 

“You again?” came the reply. Female, muffled, kind of low voice- 

“Gamora?” 

He stretches his hand as far as it will go (which is like, a couple of inches, tops) to try and help her out of the vines. 

Of course, he fails. 

The vines shift and arrange themselves so that she was sitting in a chair, her black and magenta hair plus her green skin a stark contrast from the gold of the vines. 

Still restrained, of course. 

He gapes at her. He’s been using one of those scanners to try and attempt to track her down for _so long_ , and now she’s just, well, _here_. 

In captivity. With him. 

Suddenly he doesn’t feel so relaxed. Even though he’s glad Gamora’s okay (which is a very subjective term), they’re still in captivity. 

But relatively unharmed. And alive. 

_Alive._

“Close your mouth, Quill, you look like a fool.” 

He absentmindedly closes his mouth, his mind racing a thousand miles a minute, looping infinitely, around and around galaxies, charted and uncharted. 

_Xandar_ _. The war. Death. So much death._

Everything he’s tried so hard, the _team_ has tried so hard not to dwell on, slams back into his mind. If he weren’t being tied up, he would have fallen over and face planted into the ground. 

Breathe, dammit! 

_One. Two. Three. Four..._

*** 

She’s in a completely unfamiliar environment, and the gold is much too flashy. 

In front of her is the idiot Nebula’s told her about. Not the one who she knows from her timeline, but the one who killed her younger self to betray Thanos and save the galaxy. Universe. 

It’s hard to believe that Nebula would turn her back on Thanos. She was always the one who wanted to prove her self-worth to him, to prove that she was stronger and more powerful than Gamora herself. 

Or maybe it was just a more achievable goal than murdering him. She didn’t really know anymore. 

Point being, she was now staring at the man she was told about. The man she saw in the vision. The one who fought for her. 

The one who’s feelings, guilt, thoughts – all flew to her head. 

It overwhelmed her. The love, the regret, the guilt, the despair. 

A strangled gasp interrupts her train of thoughts, and pulls Gamora from her head. 

“Breathe, dammit!” He mutters. 

She remembers when her mother read Zehoberei poem verses when her father didn’t come home on time, to soothe her mind from the worries about her father’s wellbeing. Later, after _he_ wiped out all her people — rather, he wiped out half the population, and the other half couldn’t carry on and survive — she always whispered the poem verse every night under her breath, trying to calm herself, trying to push the grief and guilt down. 

Now, as she watches the man opposite to her, idiotic as he may be (or so she’s heard and seen, her frame of reference is rather limited), the urge to take care of him swamps her mind. 

It’s so strong it overwhelms her apprehension, and she starts to recite softly. 

*** 

“What do you mean, _he’s gone_?” 

Rocket groans, tugging at the fur at the top of his head in frustration, making his eyes unnaturally big, almost comically so. “For the last time, the d’ast idiot got himself captured, his comm link hacked, and now we gotta go and save him!” He crosses his arms, occasionally spreading one arm out to make a point. 

“Who-” 

“The Kree radicals. Or the Sovereign.” Nebula speaks up from where she is leaning against the wall, her face a usual mask of stoicism. Unless... no. She _refuses_ the entertain the idea that her father is still alive, still tending his wounds in the Garden on Planet 0259-S, despite the fact that it has been nagging at the back of her mind since Thor had decapitated him. 5 years ago. 

It seemed that the horrors of her past would forever elude her, no matter how _dead_ her assailant was. 

Across the room where Thor has sunk into the sofa, swigging his beer, his eyebrows peek over the top of his sunglasses. “The Sovereign? What did you do?” 

No one answers, while Drax continues to crunch on his Zargnuts. 

Finally, Mantis shatters the (partial) silence. “How do we know where Peter is?” 

“I am Groot.” _His mask. It’s got a tracker._

“Well why aren’t you tracking it?”

“They cut it off, disabled it. Whoever they are, they’re good.”

On the screen, the red dot that is their Terran leader flashes obnoxiously at them, his location showing them Xandar, seemingly not refreshing and showing them his location from _hours_ ago. 

The tracker holo is set aside as the discussion continues. Unbeknownst to them, the holo continues to refresh his location in real time, the screen frozen, but the information was there. 

_Location 749.2874- 55.6491,_ _Xandar_ _, Capital of the Nova Empire, Eclipsing Binary Star M31V J00442326+4127082, System_ _Tranta_ _, Galaxy M31V, Universe Earth 199999. Last refreshed: 3 seconds ago. Status: alive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *does research on Xandar's location and all the tiny number details y'all don't care about anyways*
> 
> This is the extent of my boredom.
> 
> I hAvE tRaNsCeNdEd ThE sTaTe Of BoReDoM (credits to @analyticalmemes101 on ig hehe)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are holding up well in the pandemic ack still can't believe it's September already June felt like dream
> 
> So the school thought it was SUCH a good idea to recycle the homework from the last summer break and make us write another story -_-
> 
> Anyways I've finally got around to posting this chapter *claps* 
> 
> No? I'm alone? 'Kay then (:
> 
> MAYBE I'll post that story once I refine it a bit (it's basically a GOTG fanfic AU - no, you didn't see that) because the word limit??????? Was????? 1000??????? Obviously I yeeted that outta the window and did like maybe 4000 tho I am super annoyed at the lack of detail in it
> 
> How do you even write a story with 1000 words it just doesn't make any sense ack
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :D (especially constructive criticism I can't write that well oops) 
> 
> Enjoy!

He screams. And screams. And screams. 

That wasn’t what scared her, unfortunately. No, it was her own _reaction_ that scared her most. 

Her reaction to his pain was completely unexpected. Peter’s screams that were now echoing down the hallway from wherever he was... it completely _shattered_ her. 

Wait. Peter? Since when was she on a first-name basis with the ignorant Terran? 

Down the hall, _Quill’s_ screams had ceased, and she was being dragged out the room. 

His screams had shattered her heart. 

And she doesn’t know why. 

That’s the worst part of all, isn’t it? 

Not knowing. 

She wants to run down the hall and find him, wrap her arms around him and never let go. She wants to rip her heart out, so she doesn’t have to feel all this, steal a ship and never look back. 

The burning feeling in her was back the moment they began tearing her apart again, and yet... and yet. 

She's completely benumbed. 

Shards of memories flash before her eyes again, but strangely enough she has never experienced them before. But they were very clearly _hers_. 

What was going on? 

*** 

Thor stays on Xandar. He wants to continue helping out the Xandarians, doing the odd job occasionally so he can gain enough units to find his brother. Not that he doesn’t like the Guardians, or help them, but his priority was always his brother. 

The engines glow as the _Benatar_ powers up. Inside the ship its inhabitants were quiet, subdued, as they set out for the stars. 

*** 

He’s dead. 

Isn’t he? 

Whatever it was, it certainly was painful. 

His skin is full of bumps and bruises, charred flesh and dangling scar tissues. 

Not dead, then. But he certainly felt like it. 

Sometimes he really hates his advanced metabolism. It only let torturers abuse him longer. 

Damn his stupid celestial parentage. 

Where was he, anyways?

He pries his eyelids open, which feel like someone had melded them together. 

Gold. Lots of gold. 

_Oh,_ he thinks. _The Sovereign._

_Gamora!_

Adrenaline floods through him suddenly, making him dizzy. But this doesn’t hold him back – no, it only makes him start yanking harder at... whatever was holding his hands together (seriously, it was just this weird glowing snake thing that looked nowhere near foolproof). 

He only just found her after months of searching, there’s no way he was gonna let her go _now_. 

She even recited one of those Zehoberei poems to him. He broke down into tears when she did, ‘cause it reminded him so much of everything before this chaotic mess with the Snap. 

The snake things strained as they held his hands together. _Almost there..._

After minutes of fruitless tugging, he slumps back, exhausted. _Maybe a little foolproof_ , he thinks to himself, not that he would ever admit it aloud. 

Where were the guards, anyways? 

He laughs, albeit a little hysterically. _They’re the Sovereign. Their pride and ego_ _get_ _in the way of_ everything _they do._

Trying the restraints again, he feels along the snake-like lights. His adrenaline has ebbed a bit, but still insistent. But it was enough to remind him of a few things, some a little too familiar for comfort as the snakes rubbed his wrist more and more raw. 

His memories were freshly upturned by the Sovereign, the details resurfacing despite his utmost to keep them locked away. 

_Ego’s light. The rocks and pebbles pressing painfully into his skin as tendrils of light wound against his limbs and stabs him quite literally in the back._ _Yondu_ _buried under mounds of rubble, his arrow snapped in half. Rocket knocked out of the sky. Nebula and Groot and Gamora somewhere underneath all this chaos, Drax and Mantis and_ _Kraglin_ _somewhere_ above _all this chaos. The hopelessness as he feels himself forced to his knees, innocent lives on billions of planets snuffed out one by one as they run from the –_

That was enough. No way this was gonna help him. He tries to make his mind go blank, to recover so he could focus on _now,_ the _present_ , struggling to grasp onto the ledge that was reality. 

A scream rips through the air. That does it. _For Gamora,_ he thinks, and ignores the pain, beginning to strain as hard as he could against his bonds. 

At least until the Sovereign came in and knocked him out. 

*** 

The golden bastards place them in the same room. One bleeding profusely, one littered with scars, both emotionally shaken to the core.

The silence was thick and tense as they both tried to clear their heads, memories swirling around in their minds as wave after wave of emotional trauma towed them under repeatedly, falling into an abyss of darkness. 


End file.
